Joan Collins

Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan. AKA Joan Collins. JC for short, and just as important as that other JC. And in case you can't spot the Queen of B movies, horror flicks and prime-time TV in the pic above, she's the one on the right. Starring with then-hubby Anthony Newley in Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe And Find True Happiness?, Joan joined a gaggle of female stars (including Connie Kreski--above, left--as Mercy Humppe) in Newley's Felliniesque fantasia. Polyester Poontang is her name and she croons "Chalk And Cheese" to a nude Newley (the flick was rated X).

You may have heard Joan tackling a tune or two in Road To Hong Kong, Dynasty or the mini-series Monte Carlo. She even released an album in the swinging sixties that I would DIE to get my hands on. I did get to hear her sing live in Bath, England when she was touring in Noel Coward's Private Lives. After her musical attempt, her costar proclaimed she "always did have a lovely voice." At that moment, a group of kids sitting next to me giggled hysterically at the all-to-flattering remark. There's nothing like live theater.

Diana Rigg

Miss Emma Peel of TV's The Avengers is a far more consummate actress than many would think. A friend of mine once sat next to Dame Diana Rigg while watching an ill-fated Petula Clark musical in London's West End. After expressing his adoration of Rigg's Emma Peel, she curtly replied "I've done OTHER things since then!" He called her a cunt. (To me, that is.)

Stephen Sondheim loves Diana Rigg. He wrote additional material for her in the much-reviled film version of A Little Night Music, as well as London's stage premiere of Follies. In the aforementioned film, she handles--quite definitively--both a specially written solo version of "Every Day A Little Death" and, later, the original duet version with a blonde(!) Lesley-Anne Down (dubbed by Elaine Tomkinson). Ms. Rigg proves to be one of the few true pleasures in the woeful cinematic adaptation.

In fact, I was going to use Elizabeth Taylor's performance of "Send In The Clowns" since it perfectly fits this blog's requirements, but Liz's singing is terrible. I wasn't sadistic enough to inflict it upon your ears.

Mia Farrow

Mia Farrow is the ultimate victim in Roman Polanski's Rosemary's Baby. Pimped out to the devil by her ruthless husband, played by otherwise director John Cassavetes, Mia slowly realizes her suspicions about her creepy neighbors at The Dakota are true...and her hubby's been in on it! The final scene fades into a haunting "Lullaby" composed by Krzysztof Komeda and sung by Mia herself as the credits roll.

Mia's dabbled in singing before, warbling a sweet "I Don't Wanna Walk Without You" in Woody Allen's Radio Days.

Isabella Rossellini

Isabella Rossellini. Blue Velvet. 'Nuff said.